This will be your last chance of getting any fresh air until you
reach your destination. For self-defense against the germ life
prevailing in the atmosphere of the unventilated compartments,
smoke a German cigar. A German cigar keeps off any disease except
the cholera; it gives you the cholera.
Eighth--Do not linger on the platform, waiting for the locomotive
whistle to blow, or the bell to ring, or somebody to yell "All
aboard!" If you do this you will probably keep on lingering until
the following morning at seven. As a starting signal the presiding
functionary renders a brief solo on a tiny tin trumpet. One puny
warning blast from this instrument sets the whole train in motion.
It makes you think of Gabriel bringing on the Day of Judgment by
tootling on a penny whistle. Another interesting point: The engine
does not say Choo-choo as in our country--it says Tut-tut.
Ninth--In England, for convenience in claiming your baggage, change
your name to Xenophon or Zymology--there are always about the
baggage such crowds of persons who have the commoner initials,
such as T for Thompson, J for Jones, and S for Smith. When next
I go to England my name will be Zoroaster--Quintus P. Zoroaster.
Tenth--If possible avoid patronizing the so-called refreshment
wagons or dining cars, which are expensive and uniformly bad.
Live off the country.
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