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Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury), 1876-1944

"Europe Revised"

Those breeches appeared to be constructed for
cargo rather than speed.
With some internal misgivings I lowered my person into them while
he held them in position, and when I had descended as far as I
could go without entirely immuring myself, he buttoned the dewdabs
at the knees; then he went round behind me and cinched them in
abruptly, so that of a sudden they became quite snug at the
waistline; the only trouble was that the waistline had moved close
up under my armpits, practically eliminating about a foot and a
half of me that I had always theretofore regarded as indispensable
to the general effect. Right in the middle of my back, up between
my shoulder blades there was a stiff, hard clump of something that
bored into my spine uncomfortably. I could feel it quite
plainly--lumpy and rough.
"Ow's that, sir?" he cheerily asked me, over my shoulder; but it
seemed to me there was a strained, nervous note in his voice. "A
bit of all right--eh, sir?"
"Well," I said, standing on tiptoe in an effort to see over the
top, "you've certainly behaved very generously toward me--I'll say
that much. Midships there appears to be about four or five yards
of material I do not actually need in my business, being, as it
happens, neither a harem favorite nor a professional sackracer.
And they come up so high I'm afraid people will think the gallant
coast-guards have got me in a lifebuoy and are bringing me ashore
through the surf.


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