Besides, being dead, he couldn't get any more offices for his
constituents, so they found out they didn't care a cuss for him. Further
information about this stone can be obtained by applying to any citizen
of Chicago.
3d. A monument which we haven't seen, and so can't describe. It is
supposed to be at Springfield, Illinois, and was intended for a person
once called a railsplitter--a man much homelier than the typical hedge
fence, but as good as homely. He was thought to be a second PRO PATRIA,
MOSES, or some such person, and was sworn by, by millions of people who
would now almost deny ever having heard of him. At the time he went out
everybody wanted to put up a gravestone immediately--almost before he
needed one. Now, everybody isn't altogether enough to provide one. For
further particulars about the Springfield stone, inquire of any red-hot
radical.
There are some other lots, but we will not offer them until we see how
the present ones go off.
GHOUL, _Undertaker._
* * * * *
~LATEST ABOUT "LO!"~
The Irrepressible Black having been repressed, here comes the
Irrepressible Red! HIAWATHA is cutting up a great variety of capers as
well as of unfortunate settlers. Should you ask us why this bloodshed,
Why this scalping and this burning, Why this conduct most disgraceful,
Why these crimes of the Piegans, Why this sending forth of soldiers, Why
the perils of the railway, known as and called the way Pacific, (which
it won't be if these actions are allowed to go unpunished,) We should
tell you--whiskey! to say nothing of the indomitable propensity which
rises in the Piegan bosom for scalps.
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