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Smollett, Tobias George, 1721-1771

"The Expedition of Humphry Clinker"


And as the cuck had thrown her
slush at me, because I had taken part with Chowder, when he fit,
with the turnspit, I resolved to make a clear kitchen, and throw
some of her fat into the fire. I ketched the chare-woman going
out with her load in the morning, before she thought I was up,
and brought her to mistress with her whole cargo -- Marry, what
do'st think she had got in the name of God? Her buckets were
foaming full of our best bear, and her lap was stuffed with a
cold tongue, part of a buttock of beef, half a turkey, and a
swinging lump of butter, and the matter of ten mould kandles,
that had scarce ever been lit. The cuck brazened it out, and said
it was her rite to rummage the pantry; and she was ready for to
go before the mare: that he had been her potticary many years,
and would never think of hurting a poor sarvant, for giving away
the scraps of the kitchen. I went another way to work with madam
Betty, because she had been saucy, and called me skandelus names;
and said O Frizzle couldn't abide me, and twenty other odorous
falsehoods. I got a varrant from the mare, and her box being
sarched by the constable, my things came out sure enuff; besides
a full pound of vax candles, and a nite-cap of mistress, that I
could sware to on my cruperal oaf -- O! then madam Mopstick came
upon her merry bones; and as the squire wouldn't hare of a
pursecution, she scaped a skewering: but the longest day she has
to live, she'll remember your
Humble sarvant,
W.


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