No, my dear Willis, I
may be involved in fresh troubles, and I believe I shall, from
the importunities of this gentleman and the violence of my
relations; but my heart is incapable of change.
You know I put no faith in dreams; and yet I have been much
disturbed by one that visited me last night. -- I thought I was in
a church, where a certain person, whom you know, was on the point
of being married to my aunt; that the clergyman was Mr Barton,
and that poor forlorn I, stood weeping in a corner, half naked,
and without shoes or stockings. -- Now, I know there is nothing so
childish as to be moved by those vain illusions; but,
nevertheless, in spite of all my reason, this hath made a strong
impression upon my mind, which begins to be very gloomy. Indeed,
I have another more substantial cause of affliction -- I have some
religious scruples, my dear friend, which lie heavy on my
conscience. -- I was persuaded to go to the Tabernacle, where I
heard a discourse that affected me deeply. -- I have prayed
fervently to be enlightened, but as yet I am not sensible of
these inward motions, those operations of grace, which are the
signs of a regenerated spirit; and therefore I begin to be in
terrible apprehensions about the state of my poor soul.
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