Fresh knowledge of a varied kind
While in the army I acquired,
Some useful, which I didn't mind,
And much that made me tired;
But one result was undesigned;
It cost me neither toil nor care:
Swiftly and surely, with the ease
Of drinking beer or shelling peas,
War taught me how to swear.
Widely my power was recognised;
The hardiest soldier shook like froth,
And even mules were paralysed
To hear me voice my wrath;
Unhappy he and ill-advised
Who dared withstand when I reviled;
Have I not seen a whole platoon
Wilt and grow pale and almost swoon
When I was really wild?
But now those happy days are past;
A mild civilian once again,
I dare not even whisper "----!"
If something gives me pain;
Barred are those curses, surging fast,
That swift and stinging repartee;
Instead of words that peal and crash
I breathe a soft innocuous "Dash!"
Or murmur, "Dearie me!"
Yet sometimes still, when on the rack
And past all due forbearance tried,
The ancient fierce desire comes back,
I seem to boil inside;
And then I take a hefty sack,
I place my head within, and thus
Loose off, in some secluded niche,
A deep, whole-hearted, grateful, rich,
Sustained, delirious cuss.
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