I had now become the
possessor of Wilderspin's picture 'Faith and Love,' having bought it
of the Bond Street dealer to whom it belonged; and also of the
'Christabel' picture, and these I was constantly looking at as they
hung up on the walls of my room. After a while, however, I destroyed
the 'Christabel' picture, it was too painful. Though I would not see
such friends as I had, I read their letters; indeed, it was these
same letters which alone could draw from me a grim smile now and
then.
Almost every letter ended by urging me, in order to flee from my
sorrows, to travel! With the typical John Bull travelling seems to be
always the panacea. In sorrow, John's herald of peace is Baedeker:
the dispenser of John's true nepenthe is Mr. Murray. Pity and love
for Winifred pursued me, tortured me nigh unto death, and therefore
did these friends of mine seem to suppose that I wanted to flee from
my pity and sorrow! Why, to flee from my sorrow, to get free of my
pity, to flee from the agonies that went nigh to tearing soul from
body, would have been to flee from all that I had left of
life--memory.
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