It was quite natural. You're much older than
I, and of course--of course--you thought that if--if I loved you--I'd be
guided by you--and think as you wish. But Edward, you see I've had to live
by myself--and think for myself--more than other girls--because mother was
always busy with other things--that didn't concern me--that I didn't care
about--and I was left alone--and had to puzzle out a lot of things that
I never talked about. I'm obstinate--I'm proud. I must believe for
myself--and not because some one else does. I don't know where I shall come
out. And that's the strange thing! Before we were engaged, I didn't know I
had a mind!" She smiled at him pitifully through her tears. "And ever since
we've been engaged--this few weeks--I've been doing nothing but think and
think--and all the time it's been carrying me away from you. And now this
trouble. I _couldn't_"--she clenched her hand with a passionate
gesture--"I _couldn't_ do what you're doing. It would kill me. You
seem to be obeying something outside--which you're quite sure of. But if
_I_ drove those two people to despair, because I thought something
was wrong that they thought right, I should never have any happiness in
my heart--my _own heart_--again.
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